Hello, I am TheSaltiestSaltMaster bringing you a very salty review of Risk of Rain, otherwise known as Risk of Rage. As the title infers, yes, you will rage very, very hard at times. Well, here we go!
The game begins with a cutscene that gives the game a little bit of storyline, you're a crash survivor and must survive the hoards of enemies, from lizards to giant-ass ghosts dude who will very likely kill you if you're stupid enough. You start off with a basic arsenal, consisting of; discount burst gun, rolly-polly, giant laser that for some reason is called something else, and duel-weld pew-pew guns of doom. At first it seems like a shitty version of super mario, but you soon realize that it's must harder and rage-inducing. Especially because the longer you play, the harder it gets! So much for treasure hunting! As the game continues, you somehow manage to carry a shit-ton of power-ups, that end up eventually making you nearly invincible, even though you don't have a backpack, a magic storage box, or anything that could remotely carry anything. And, guess what! As the levels continue, not only does your difficulty increase, but so does the difficulty of the enemies! You encounter the most annoying creature in the game, a very, VERY tanky cow. With a hell of a lot of health and the ability to four-shot you anytime, these are the biggest pains in the ass that you will ever see. And the final boss.... Wait, there's MULTIPLE bosses????? Yes, you heard me correctly! There are multiple final bosses, each of them deal a tremendous amount of damage at a time. What fun.
In conclusion, I bet you can see due to my review, this is one of my favorite games EVER. Sure, it's hard, and it made me consider throwing my computer out the window, and suici- BUT... It is very fast paced and challenging, and it is kinda fun to carry whatever amount of artifacts along with me.
Stay tuned for another episode of; A Very Salty Review. Next possible game: Five Nights at Freddy's, the game that has fast-paced gameplay, a twisting storyline, and, for you superfans of FNAF, tons and tons of porn!